10 Hilariously Terrible Casting Ideas for the Harry Potter Reboot

Look, we know the new Harry Potter reboot series is going to spark debate no matter what, but what if they really swung for the fences, and missed? Let’s explore what would happen if casting agents lost their wands and just started throwing darts at a celebrity headshot board. These are the worst (but maybe most entertaining) casting choices imaginable. So bad they just might work... if you're under the influence of a Forgetfulness Potion.

1. Harry Potter – Pete Davidson
Imagine Harry with a wand in one hand and a vape in the other. Pete brings Brooklyn sarcasm to the Boy Who Lived, with catchphrases like, “Expelliar… bro, what even is that?” The lightning scar is now a neck tattoo.

2. Hermione Granger – Megan Fox
Yes, she’s stunning. No, she’s never played a know-it-all bookworm. But hey, maybe this Hermione reads spellbooks in the mirror while lighting ritual candles and giving astrology advice. Wingardium Levio-slay.

3. Ron Weasley – Machine Gun Kelly
This casting pairs beautifully with Megan Fox’s Hermione. Ron’s red hair becomes a neon buzzcut, and his biggest fear is commitment, not spiders. Every line delivery sounds like he's halfway through an indie rap verse.

4. Professor Dumbledore – Guy Fieri
Welcome to Flavortown... of Magic. The robes are flame-embroidered, the beard is frosted, and the Elder Wand is actually a jalapeño popper. Dumbledore now says things like, “You shall not pass without a side of donkey sauce!”

5. Severus Snape – Nicolas Cage
An unhinged, bug-eyed Snape who might suddenly start yelling about the Declaration of Independence. Every potion lesson ends in a full meltdown. You’d never know whether he’s heartbroken, furious, or both.

6. Hagrid – Danny DeVito
He’s not big, but he’s big in energy. Imagine DeVito bumbling around Hogwarts, shouting “Yer a wizard, kid!” while spilling butterbeer everywhere and taming a ferret he insists is a dragon.

7. Draco Malfoy – Post Malone
The tattoos. The tears. The sleepy delivery. Draco is now less a snotty aristocrat and more of a SoundCloud softie who might cry if you call him a mudblood. Bonus: he releases a sad rap album called “Slytherin Sins.”

8. Voldemort – Larry David
He doesn’t need a nose, but he does need everyone to follow the rules. Voldemort now walks around muttering, “Avada Kedavra? Really? That’s your solution?” before complaining about wand etiquette and horcrux logistics.

9. Minerva McGonagall – Cardi B
She shapeshifts with style. Imagine McGonagall turning into a cat while yelling “Okurrr!” in a Scottish-Bronx accent. She demands respect, teaches transfiguration with fierce flair, and probably raps her lectures.

10. Sirius Black – Jared Leto
Sirius is already dramatic, but Jared takes it to full cult leader levels. He disappears for most of the series only to return looking like he’s been method acting in the woods and trying to summon real dementors.

Final Spell: Why We Secretly Want This
Would any of these work? Absolutely not. Would we watch? Every episode. It would be the wizarding world's biggest disaster, and most glorious trainwreck. Sometimes you don’t need a Time Turner, just a little chaos magic and a lot of bad decisions.

Who did we miss? Danny Trejo as Dobby? Keanu Reeves as Hedwig? The possibilities are endless, and horrifying.

So if you see these names on the casting sheet… Accio popcorn. You’re gonna need it.